Dumb & Dumber star Jeff Daniels braved sound problems at the CMT MUSIC AWARDS to show off his musical skills. The actor surprised guests at the country music video prizegiving when he showed up on stage with a cowboy hat and a guitar and sang a comical tune all about drinking and womanising, which included all the titles of the night's nominees. And Daniels didn't falter when his faulty microphone had to be replaced midway through the song. He was joined on stage at the Gaylord Entertainment Center. By the way, the guy holding the cue cards is one of the shows two writers, Bret Calvert. The actor admits he had a great time at the awards ceremony: "They're all good people, and there's a passion for country music."

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CMT SONG
INTRO: Hi there, I'm Jeff Daniels. I'm here because I heard a rumor that Toby Keith was launching a new record label and I wanted to be the first to audition. Now you may think it's weird that an actor like myself would want to break into country music, but to prove how dedicated I am and how much I love country music, I've written a song that uses all the titles from the best Country Videos Of The Year. It goes a little somethin' like this...

SONG LYRICS
I was drivin' from PORTLAND OREGON to EL CERRITO PLACE. You would not believe HOW FAR that is. It's like a TRIP AROUND THE SUN. Naturally, on my way there my car decided to BREAK DOWN HERE, next to SOME BEACH. DAYS GO BY and yet, it FEELS LIKE TODAY. As I was sittin' in the sand tryin' to figure out what that meant, I heard SOMEBODY say, "HEY GOOD LOOKIN'", OVER AND OVER. I look up and what do I see? A REDNECK WOMAN.

Now, I'm a married man and usually, WHEN I THINK ABOUT CHEATIN', I think...y'know, DON'T! Not only is it wrong, but there's a pretty good chance I MAY HATE MYSELF IN THE MORNING. But there's another part of me that says, I WANT TO LIVE. Hell, LIVE LIKE YOU WERE DYING, right? So I asked her, "WHAT SAY YOU? Are you up for a PARTY FOR TWO? And if not now, maybe WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN." She said " Listen, MR. MOM. HOW DO YOU GET THAT LONELY? Besides, don't you have a BABY GIRL back at home sittin' in an OLD BLUE CHAIR?" "No" I lied, "YOU'RE MY BETTER HALF and IF YOU EVER STOP LOVING ME, I'll get RESTLESS, kick the SUDS IN THE BUCKET, and then COME TO JESUS in HEAVEN because NOTHING ABOUT LOVE MAKES SENSE and I'll bet you MISS BEING MRS. So, c'mon, be my WHISKEY GIRL during this AWFUL, BEAUTIFUL LIFE and let's you and me go to MONDAY MORNING CHURCH and get ourselves a couple glasses of HOLY WATER!"

Well, she looks me up and down and says, "Y'know, GIRLS LIE TOO, but, you take the cake. Besides, IF NOBODY BELIEVED IN YOU, why you wearin' that weddin' ring? Now, I'm gonna be a good girl and go back to work at the MISSION TEMPLE FIREWORKS STAND and if I were you, I'd WALK TALL in the other direction."

Well, I felt about as bad as a Country Music Star after his firstworkout with a personal trainer, so I decided to SAVE A HORSE AND RIDE A COWBOY all the way home. I was singin' a WHISKEY LULLABY when my wife met me at the door and that's when it dawned on me. And I said, "Baby, WHEN YOU KISS ME, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!" Unfortunately, the Cowboy I rode in on thought I was talkin' to him and he kissed me right on the mouth. But that's a whole other song.

Thank the Lord and CMT, I Never thought I'd be standin' here, singin' SONGS ABOUT ME!

Written by Jeff Daniels and Todd & Bret Calvet
c 2005 HMSD Music Publishing
jeffdaniels.com